It's been awhile...

It's been too long since I have written...but here I am! Though I haven't experienced the death of a relative but break ups are still hard nonetheless. The funny thing about pain though, I've come to know, is that I always come away learning something. Now, I may learn it slowly but I eventually learn it.

If I can be honest with you, when stuff like this happens I feel thrown out of wack like a bad back. I feel for a lot of instances that I've lost a sense of self, of who I am. I start to second guess who I am, I look back at the different memories, I let the "should ofs" or "what ifs" drag me down. I ask for forgiveness many times for the mistakes that I have made in the past; the hurt I have caused. I'm sorry for my disobedience. I wonder what it is that I'm suppose to do. I wonder how the other person is doing..I go between the hope of friendship again to wondering if that is possible..knowing that it is..but

Then slowly, the light starts to shine through. Through the words of a friend, through a hug, through a radio program, God Himself through His Word...wow, God? Really? You love me still, You still want to talk to me, You still have a plan for me? Really?

So here I am again...

Yesterday as I was walking to my car, I started to feel down again and then I thought I am going to list five things today that I am grateful for. As I started to recall what I could be grateful for today, my heart started to feel lighter and so did my mind. So I thought, that's what I am going to start doing...at the end of the day, I am going to list at least 5 things that I am grateful for today.

God is patient!

That's all for now...